Managing Back-To-School And Co-Parenting
Back-to-school season is upon us. It's an exciting time for children, marked with fun traditions like new clothes shopping, fresh haircuts and school supplies. It's a season of change and falling back into routine for any family, but for divorced or separated parents it can also come along with unique challenges.
Even with a clear parenting plan arrangement, it can still be a turbulent time if you don’t plan ahead with your co-parent. Children have a lot of needs before and during the beginning of the school year, and parents can take steps to keep their stress over the season from affecting their kids.
Co-parenting during the school year can feel overwhelming at times, but with thoughtful planning and good communication, it can run much more smoothly. Here are some tips for managing and planning the chaos of the back-to-school season:
Understand Your Parenting Plan & Communicate
First and foremost, make sure you know the terms of your parenting plan. Back-to-school is a good time to review your judgment and any post-judgment issues that may have been resolved during the previous school year. Most parenting plans include provisions that will guide your actions during the school year and determine who pays back-to-school expenses like extracurricular activities or school uniforms. You can also decide whether the school needs copies of any documents related to your domestic situation. In cases where there are restrictions on one parent, it’s important for the school to know what the court has set as parameters. Those who have joint legal custody need to keep in mind that the other parent must be included in education-related decisions.
It’s crucial to plan ahead and discuss the beginning of the school year with your co-parent. This can ensure that you both understand the schedule listed in your parenting plan and the responsibilities you each have. Open communication between co-parents is crucial in a back-to-school setting, including sharing information about your kid’s needs and their teachers, healthcare concerns, and extracurriculars.
Keep the School in the Know
It’s important to communicate your child’s custody arrangement with their school, ensuring that the school knows that both parents have to be contacted separately when necessary. This information can help the school complete additional planning for your family, such as arranging your children’s transportation situation. You may also want to give the school additional emergency contacts beyond you and your co-parent.
For school forms, make sure to clearly identify each of the legal parents with correct names and contact information. If there are stepparents involved, label them appropriately as well. For younger children, it may be helpful to let the school or classroom teacher know the names the child prefers to use to refer to parents and stepparents. Finally, remember to update the school of any changes in information, such as phone numbers, emails, and mailing addresses throughout the year.
Maintain Respectful Communication With Your Co-Parent
Communicating with your co-parent is necessary, and so is being positive and respectful while talking with them. Although you may be frustrated or overwhelmed, it is important to remain calm. Stress and arguments can affect kids, whether they witness it or not. This strain can impact their emotional and academic well-being, lessening the excitement of going back to school. Realize that your co-parent is likely trying hard to provide for your child’s needs, and try to be flexible and understanding when things don’t go according to plan.
It’s difficult for ANY family to keep up with everything that happens during a school year. For recently separated or divorced parents, it can be especially difficult to adjust. When children start school, it is essential for both parents to know what the school year schedule looks like so that they can make transitions between households as smooth as possible.
Plan for Emergencies and Unexpected Events. One aspect of co-parenting that often gets overlooked is what to do in case of emergencies, particularly related to school emergencies and unexpected school closures (think snow days!). Co-parents may want to decide who should be contacted when there is an emergency, closure, early release, or other unexpected school event and include this in their parenting plan. The discussion should include how these types of events might impact your parenting time and schedule, and what will happen if one parent needs to pick a child up outside of their scheduled time.
Create A Shared Calendar
Coordinating schedules is one of the most helpful ways to plan for the school year. A shared calendar can help parents keep track of important events, holidays, meetings, and any changes to those dates. Parents can more clearly understand when and where they need to be available, and this can help avoid confusion and conflict.
Look ahead for events like back-to-school nights, parent/teacher conferences or other extracurricular meetings and activities and plan how these will go with your co-parent. For example, will you each schedule separate conferences or attend together.
Plan For Shopping and Other Expenses
Back-to-school shopping can be expensive, and parents should plan on who is responsible for those costs or how they can split them. The school year can bring other expenses for sports, clubs, and other extracurriculars in addition to lunches, school projects, class trips, and school dances. Plan ahead for these costs and help your kid have a fun school experience.
Mentally Prepare to Attend School Activities With Your Co-Parent
As much as possible, prepare yourself mentally to attend school activities so that you can be there for your child in a positive, engaged manner. If parents fight every time they see each other, pre-planning can help keep this dynamic away from school events. For example, parents might alternate attending school activities, or they might map out the calendar of events and divide them up equally. Large events, such as football games, concerts, or graduation ceremonies might provide an opportunity for parents to attend at the same time, but with an agreement to sit on opposite sides of the audience. Parenting plans can include provisions that determine who attends a given school activity and when.
Focus On Your Kids' Needs First
Back-to-school planning should always put your children’s interests first. Your planning should focus on your child’s educational and emotional success. Make sure your children know that they have the support of both their parents, and let them know that you are there to support them during this potentially stressful time. Amid all the logistics and decision-making, it’s essential to remember what matters most: your child’s success and happiness. Divorce or separation may have changed your family dynamic, but your child still deserves a stable foundation to thrive academically and socially.
Every family feels the stress of the back-to-school season, not just those navigating divorce, separation and joint households. In the early years, I remember it being extremely overwhelming. There is so much new, change and little things to think of when splitting households and lives. I can tell you it definitely gets easier with time and practice. By staying respectful, positive and following these tips you can minimize that stress and enjoy the back-to-school magic and tradition with your kids!
Connect with The Single Mama Chronicles on Facebook and Instagram for more on co-parenting, divorce, back-to-school and mom support for any season. You got this!
~Melissa
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