10 Important Social Skills Your Teen Should Be Taught

As adults our social skills are so ingrained in our daily lives and second nature to us, so we often don't think twice about what we're doing or how we do it.

Our social skills have been fine-tuned throughout the years. Whether it is introducing yourself or 2 people, interacting with cashiers at a store or people in a drive-thru or even just showing empathy towards a friend who's been sick. It comes much more naturally to us with all of the years of practice.

Our teens, on the other hand, haven't quite has the experience that we have. Through no fault of their own, they are lacking the life experience and opportunity to polish those skills the way we did growing up.

Unlike us, teens today are growing up with social media and screens constantly in their hands. Experts agree that this is understandably taking a toll on their social skills and interactions. Texting over face-to-face interaction and having the ability to connect so freely over social media platforms like Instagram, Snapchat and TikTok are making it far to easy for our kids to forgo in-person interaction all together.

Having important social and communication skills under their belt now not only benefits our kids now, but their future success in life largely depends on how well they harness those skills as they move into adulthood. Everything from their education, career and even future relationships will be impacted by their social skills and their ability to effectively interact and communicate with others.

Social skills aren't something our kids are born with- they need to be taught. Teaching your teens the importance of these skills now is vital before sending your child out into the world.

10 Important Social Skills Your Teen Should Be Taught

Making Eye Contact

Teenagers are notorious for avoiding eye contact, but it is undoubtedly one of the most important social skills to have. Phone distractions, shyness, indifference, low self-esteem or perhaps even a grumpy mood may all contribute to teens looking others in the eye. Often times though, they may not even realize that they are doing it and may need a gentle nudge to be reminded.

Although making eye contact is one of the more important social skills you can teach your teen, it may not necessarily come easy for all teens. If the thought of making eye contact is stress or anxiety-inducing for your teen, there are a few things you can help them practice to get the hang of it:

·  Try the 50/70 rule. No need to get too mathematical with this, but try to encourage your teen to hold eye contact 50% of the time when talking and 70% of the time when listening.

·  Try holding eye contact for 5-10 seconds at a time. Then casually look off to the side for a few seconds before resuming eye contact.

·  When looking away, be sure to do so slowly. Looking away too quickly or darting your eyes can make you appear nervous or shy.

How To Address People By Name

"Wassup, dude!", "How's it going bruh" or "Hey girlfriend" are nonchalant greetings that our teens have become accustomed to getting from their friends over the years. But now that they are getting older, it's time to step up their social game when it comes to more formal greetings. Whether they are interacting with a teacher, college professor, supervisor or their friend's parents, they need to know how to know how to properly address people by name and use those names when making introductions.

A person's name is the greatest connection they have to their individuality. When our kids make it a point to first, remember someone’s name and then address them by their name, it not only makes the person feel special, it also makes a great impression.

Reciprocal Conversation Skills

Getting our kids to master the art of communication might take some practice. I know many adults who are still trying to do this. To make it easy, they can start with the basics of practicing a few question-and-answer skills. For example, if someone asks, “How are you today,” our kids should respond with “I’m great, how are you?” Another example is if someone says, “Do you have any big plans for summer break?” Our kids could respond by saying, “Yes, we’re heading to the beach… how about you? What are your plans for summer?” 

While this may not ring true in every instance (and can easily get weird if you overdo it), the general rule of thumb is to show as much interest in others as they show in you. (Bonus if your kids show interest in others first).

How To Properly Interact With Adults

Most of our teens dialoguing with adults comes from parents, family or interactions with teachers. So, naturally, when they’re faced with having a conversation with their friend’s parents, a college professor or their new boss at work, their insecurity shines through. 

Practice makes perfect. Sure, they might fumble their way through and stutter a bit as they gain their confidence, but the more adult connections we encourage our kids to have, the more they’ll begin to hone in on their communication skills. With practice, they’ll begin to put a halt to the fear and intimidation of chatting with adults, bridge the age gap and learn to act more socially adult. 

Reading Body Language and Non-Verbal Cues

Facial expressions and body language – the things we’re not conveying verbally – can speak volumes about what we’re thinking and feeling and what others are thinking or feeling. Not only do our kids need to get the hang of reading the body language of others, they also need to keep in mind that their nonverbal language is actually doing a lot of talking for them. In fact, some studies show that nonverbal language accounts for up to 60% of what a person communicates.

From folded arms, which convey being “closed off” and defensive, to facial expressions that hold the power to convey a myriad of emotions, our kids can benefit a lot by understanding a few nonverbal communication cues. It may also help to avoid uncomfortable and awkward situations.

Proper Introductions & Greetings

The majority of teens are notorious for making casual introductions. For the most part, that is more than sufficient in the friends world. But as our kids get older, they will need to have a few basic "proper introduction" skills mastered.

According to the Emily Post Institute of Etiquette, “many people think introducing themselves or introducing others is so complicated, they simply avoid it altogether. But it’s actually quite simple. It all boils down to speaking to the person you wish to honor first.” For example, if you’d like to introduce your college roommate to your grandmother, turn to your grandma and say, “Grandma, I’d like you to meet my roommate, Ashley.” Then, turn to your roommate, “Ashley, this is my grandma, Mrs. Smith.”

As a general rule of thumb, proper introductions should always be made when you’re with adults including parents and grandparents (and other family members), teachers, co-workers, bosses, etc. (Hint: don’t forget to make eye contact when making proper introductions.)

The Ability To Listen, I Mean Really Listen

If we’re being totally honest here, most teenagers aren’t good listeners. In fact, most of them are terrible listeners. However, it’s not really their fault. Chances are, no one taught them how to listen. What they’ve learned, by following in the footsteps of others, is that listening basically involves passively paying attention just long enough until they can jump back in the conversation (or jump back on their phone).

But, listening… I mean really listening, is a skill that takes time to master. To be a good listener our kids need to put their phone down (that’s a trick in itself), listen to comprehend as opposed to listening long enough to respond to what the other person is saying and keep their opinions to themselves (unless asked, of course). Another aspect of being a good listener is knowing what not to say when it’s your turn to talk. Rule of thumb, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

How To Show Empathy

This is an important one! Most teenagers are totally self-absorbed and engulfed in their own lives. The good news is, this is completely normal. They’re going through immense change and being focused on themselves is part of the development process that helps them separate from us and form their own identity. The bad news is, it’s frustrating to talk to a teenager who doesn’t seem to care, which is exactly why they need to learn how to express empathy and sympathy for others.

This is not something that comes naturally to most teens. They need to be guided and taught to ask questions about other’s lives and offer empathy and sympathy when others share the trials and tribulations of their lives. They can also learn by listening and watching us. If they hear and see us showing concern, care and compassion for others and showing a genuine willingness to jump in and help, they’ll be more likely to do the same in their lives.

The Importance Of A Good First Impression

Do you know it takes someone, on average, three seconds to form an opinion of our teens when they meet them? In the blink of an eye, someone will size them up based on our teen’s overall appearance, body language, mannerisms, demeanor and how they’re dressed. And, once that impression is made, it’s awfully hard to reverse if it’s not favorable. The fact is, first impressions may not matter a whole lot when they’re hanging with friends, but they will when they get their first job, venture off to college and start their career. 

Whether our kids want to make a great impression on a job interview, when they go on a date with a guy or girl they’re crushing on or when they meet a teacher or professor for the first time, they can start by smiling, dressing appropriately for the occasion (sorry, hoodies and flip flops won’t cut it in a job interview), being courteous, attentive, polite and on time. Being themselves (i.e. avoiding being fake) goes a long way, too, in making a great first impression.

How To Effectively Communicate

It’s widely known that kids today aren’t using their “socialization muscles” nearly as much as generations past due to their infatuation with mobile phones and social media. What’s happening, unfortunately, is that our kids aren’t gaining the valuable communication skills they need to thrive. Simple skills like engaging in small talk, managing conflict, reciprocal conversation and having the knack of avoiding long, embarrassing awkward pauses are a real problem for some teens. 

We owe it to our kids to help them learn how to communicate effectively, both online and off. By giving them plenty of opportunities to put their face-to-face communication skills to the test – even if they fight us a bit – we’ll be arming them with the ability to think on their feet, pick up on verbal and nonverbal cues and how to really connect with others minus the stress, anxiety or awkwardness. 

Effective social and communication skills will benefit your teen not only in their daily lives now, but in their future endeavors as they grow up and go out into the world. Set your teen up for success now by working on and teaching these valuable skills. Parents, what are your thoughts? Are there any skills you think are important or work on with your teens? Drop a comment below, I'd love to hear from you :)

Melissa